How to Break a Nose
by wingedmessanger
Summary: Every superhero breaks their nose sometime in their career, and the Avengers are no exception. However, not every super group has Tony Stark in it.
1. Bruce

**'_' means over the intercom**

 **"_" means regular conversation**

 ***_*means thought in head**

 **Disclaimer:** **I wish! But do not own the Avengers.**

* * *

 **Bruce (**!)**

You would expect the huge, green, muscled Hulk to be klutzes. But in reality, Bruce Banner is one of the clumsiest men you will ever meet.

The battle went off without a hitch! Everything was going according to plan, and without any casualties or injuries, so far. Captain America hadn't called out the Hulk yet, which was a relief to Banner. He could hear the destruction outside the stealth jet that the team used for their missions. At least they were in a dense forest somewhere in the Russian tundra, so there were hardly any people to complain about the noise. And even if there were, they would probably be running for their lives. Another explosion went off on the side of the jet, making the whole aircraft sway. Bruce swayed with it and lost his footing. He landed on his butt with a nice _thump_ , the cold metal floor doing nothing to soften the blow to his pelvis.

Bruce hissed as he rubbed his bruised buttocks and brought his other hand up to activate the ear intercom. 'Could you guys try to NOT set off explosions so close to the ship? I'm trying not to fall over.'

'Sorry, Bruce', Steve spoke up first and Bruce could hear the strain in his voice. More than likely he was running from something. The short gasping continued as Bruce pushed himself off the floor and waddled to the closest seat in the nose of the aircraft. He had to grip the chair to prevent from tipping over when another explosion went off. Then next voice that came on was Tasha's.

'Sorry' the assassin said.

Bruce sighed and plopped himself down in the co-pilot's worn leather seat before looking out the windows. And sure enough, there was Natasha crouched down on the nose of the jet with a gun in one hand and throwing an active grenade in the other. Said grenade went off with an earth shattering roar, but Natasha was unfazed, her short vibrant red hair was the only thing moving from the grenades fumes. She turned around and gave Bruce a smirk before jumping off the jet and running into the woods.

'Oh my gosh, did Romanov just SMIRK? Someone tell me they got that on camera? Bruce? Bruce, Bruce, Bruce! Did you get it? Come on?!Someone had to have gotten it! Clint? Did you-'

"SHUT UP TONY!" everyone said in unison.

Bruce chuckled, as Tony continued his hundred mile an hour rant. This was every day for them. The pop tart loving god of thunder, America's first superhero, the scarlet spider, a sharp shooter, the playboy/philanthropist/sarcastic/genius, and then the quiet caring smashing scientist. Put all of these characteristics together, and you get the Avengers. Bruce reclined in the seat as he listened to the bickering over the intercom.

'Come on Katniss, just admit you love her! It's not that hard! Clint and Tasha sitting in a loft, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, Clint and Tasha have a baby carriage! K-I-S-'

'I swear Tony, finish that line and you will have an arrow shoved so far up your iron clad butt that not even the Hulk can pull it out!' Clint shouted.

And to everyone's surprise Tony did shut up. The rest of the Avengers who were not threatened by the arrow happy Hawkeye laughed.

'WOW' was Steve's only reply.

'You should piss him off more often, Stark. I kinda like an angry Hawk.' Natasha chuckled.

'YES, FRIEND STARK! MAKE THE MAN OF HAWK EVEN MORE ANGRY! IT IS QUITE HYSTERICAL!'

'Uhm, Thor, buddy?'

'YES, BROTHER?'

'You don't need to shout. We hear you loud and clear.' Steve laughed.

Bruce could picture Thor rubbing the back of his neck, 'Sorry, I was into the moment.'

Everyone had an inaudible sigh.

'How is everything from up there Clint?' Steve's voice cut through the silence.

'So far so- STEVE LOOK UP!' Was all the team could hear when the loud _rap_ as shots were fired. Bruce could hear Steve struggle as heavy clanging sound of bullets as they bounced off his shield. That's when things got chaotic.

Natasha yelled Steve's name as her guns sounded off, just how many bullets she had Bruce didn't really want to know the answer too. The hairs on the back of Bruce's neck stood up and he tried to get a better view out of the window just in enough time to see Thor whiz past in a bright ball of light. Not far behind him was Tony in a streak of gold and red and just for good measure, the quick _thwip_ of arrows joined in the fray followed by Clint shouting profanities. This lasted for a full ten minutes before all was quiet.

'What happened? Is anyone hurt?' Bruce was frantically shouting over the intercom, waiting for a report. Was the Hulk needed? Is Steve okay? Someone freaking answer! Just then Steve's voice came over the ear piece.

'I'm fine, Bruce. The Hulk is not needed. I repeat, the Hulk is not needed.'

Bruce sighed and looked down at his green tinged hands, the last thing they need is for the Hulk to be thrown in the party. Taking deep calming breaths, Bruce managed to settle the Hulk and therefore himself before speaking again.

'Are you sure? Is anyone hurt?'

'We're fine. I just got nicked by one the bullets, not major damage.'

Natasha snorted,' No major damage? Steve a bullet went straight through your shoulder! How did you not feel that?'

Steve must have shrugged, because he winced. 'I don't know….adrenaline, maybe?'

'Adrenaline my butt! Brucey have supplies ready when we get there before Spangles bleeds out on the ride back.'

Bruce cut off the intercom as soon as he heard the bickering begin. Yep, his team alright. He stood up and maneuvered himself out of the cockpit and to the medical area on the jet. After gathering up the supplies and putting it up on the cot, Bruce went to open the hanger on the other side of the cargo hold but tripped over something. The man lost his balance and his face met the unforgiving floor with a satisfying _crunch._

*Perfect* Bruce thought as he gingerly sat up and brought his hand up to his nose only to pull it away bloody. He turned around at the waist to get a view at what he tripped over. Said thing turned out to be one of Tony's discarded sneakers. Bruce rolled his eyes as he got up off the floor and moved to the sink close to the cot made for Steve. He washed off the excess blood with one hand while the other held the bridge of his nose to stop the flow. His nose was in an odd angle and turning purple at an incredible speed. *Just perfect* He didn't need to have medical degree to treat wounds, but he knew he signs and looks of a broken nose.

Breathing in deeply, Bruce moved his nose back into place, but not with saying words that would probably put Tony to shame. Then he applied a few butterfly bandages to keep it still until it healed. Bruce knew that after a good night's rest it would be healed by morning, but there was Steve to take care of. The cargo hold opened and Bruce turned around to be greeted with the wide eyed, smoke smelling, and soot covered Avengers looking directly at him. Steve was being carried by Thor, but seemed to have been in the mist of struggling to get out of the god's unrelenting hold.

Bruce could feel the blush warming his cheeks as the other five looked at him. *Could this day get any worse?* Bruce shook his head, trying to move their gazes and motioned for Thor to put Steve down on the cot.

Thor did as was gestured but never relieved his gaze.

"Do we want to know?" Asked Clint.

"Nope." Bruce replied in a nasal voice.

Clint shrugged and moved to the pilot seat. Natasha did a once over on Bruce. He already knew that she figured out what had happened, before shaking her head and moved to the co-pilot seat beside Clint.

"Friend Bruce, what has transpired to your broken nose?" Thor asked in a surprisingly quiet voice while leaning forward and looking at Bruce's bandages. Bruce backed up a bit and helped Steve get out of the tight fitting uniform.

"Nuthing I vwish tu repeat."

"But?"

"No!"

Bruce turned his attention back to Steve and looked at the wound. "Is wet straight through Ste. Eavy fix." Then Bruce looked up to meet Steve's eyes only to find that he was trying not to laugh.

"Wat?"

This only made Clint giggle and Natasha's shoulders shake in quiet laughter in the front.

"Wat!?"

Tony couldn't hold himself anymore and just straight up howled and Thor laughed just for the sake of laughing. Now Bruce was getting annoyed, not mad, but annoyed. He looked over at Steve again and the man gestured for him to come closer. Bruce complied and leaned over so his ear was close to Steve's mouth as he whispered something into it.

Bruce immediately shot up and shot Tony a glare that made Tasha smile.

"YOU BID THIS ON PURPOOSE! TONY!"

Stark was now wiping the tears out his eyes as he tried to regain his composure. "Your face was P.R.I.C.E.L.E.S.S! I should have done this years ago! Your voice, the face, the blush! Oh, Jarvis, tell me you got all of that?"

"Yes, Sir." The AI replied.

"Even the fall?"

"Yes, Sir. I was able to record all the events the lead to and proceeded after Mr. Banner's fall." Bruce could hear a hint of something in the Jarvis' computer voice. He just didn't know if it was humor or sympathy.

"YOU VAIT TIL WE GET BAK TU DA TOWER STAR!"

Everyone went through another round of laughter and this time Steve joined in more openly.

"Sure thing…CLUMSY!?" Tony yelled between breaths as he went over to pick up his sneaker.

Bruce turned around and yelled the only name he knew could fix this with the least amount of damage.

"STE!"


	2. Thor

**Thor (** )**

Thor never expected to come back from Asgard like this. The Avengers got hurt yes, but only in the presence of battle! So, how was he going to explain this injury, he had no clue. Thor normally comes back with great tales of adventure to tell his teammates and without any injuries, but this time there was no perilous tale for him to tell.

He blamed his misfortune on Loki and… ale

~FLASHBACK~

The Ale Houses on Asgard are much wilder than those on earth; Thor knows that much for sure. The continuous sound of laughter, music, and _kluncks_ of ale mugs reminded Thor of all the victorious battles he and his other brothers in arms had won. However, it is not the background noise that made Thor miss home so much, it is all of the smack talk that made the man go to the ale houses so often.

Every good man should know a few curses in his own tongue, and Thor knew MANY. He says them around the other Avengers, but sense they lack both the All speak and the native tongue of the Asgardians, they always fall flat. Here though, Thor knew what everyone was saying and even pitched on the right occasion.

Thor sat facing outward from the wooden bar. His drink was in one hand while the other was encouraging two men who had more than their fair share of drink.

(Translations will be at the end)

"BY ODIN'S BEARD YOU MEINFRETR! THE MEYLA YOU CALL A WIFE HAS MORE RESEMBLANCE TO A BARREN KERLING THAN HER OWN MOTHER!"

"YOU HEATHEN QLFUSS, I AM SURPRISED YOUR KERLING COULD EVEN PRODUCE SUCH OFFSPRING CONSIDERING YOU FACE TAKES THAT OF A HORSE!"

Thor was enjoying this too much, he knew, but he needed a break from the other Avengers. He missed his home and they understood that. Now the two men were fighting. They were both huge and burly, but one had orange hair and a beard that matched. While the other was covered in grey and had dark bushy eyebrows. They were throwing mighty blows! The orange man slammed his meaty fist into the head of the grey haired man rendering him into oblivion. Then he proceeded to pounce on the slack form and beat him some more. The fight had proven to be displeasure when everyone in the pub Boo's the fight then started to bicker amongst them. Even the women started to get into fights by pushing and shoving one another.

This wasn't right…was it?

Thor started to get down from his stool and instead toppled over. *How much have I consumed?*he thought and the world swayed around him. Then out of nowhere, for Thor anyway, a fist came and slammed into Thor's jaw. He stumbled and fell to the floor, rubbing his face. *Where did that come from?* Thor tried to stand by using the bar as leverage, but the fist struck out again. Now Thor was getting irritated.

*WHO DARED HIT THE god OF THUNDER!*

Now he rocketed to his feet and swiveled to the left. And not to his confusion, it was Loki.

"Aren't you imprisoned suppose be to?" Thor's head was spinning causing the world to tilt. The man Thor cold have sworn was Loki laughed and punched Thor again.

"Yes, BROTHER,' Loki hissed,' I was in that rust bucket of a prison cell since you left me there! But now I am freed and here to have a little fun."

Loki pulled Thor up by his gold chain holding his cape in place and head butted him. Thor didn't fall, but his brother was much more hardheaded than he had thought! HE tried to throw a punch of his own, but Loki simply moved out of the way and Thor went thundering forward into a table. Loki yanked his long blonde hair up and rammed it into the table again before turning him around. Thor took this opportunity to do his own head butt. Loki stumbled backwards clutching his forehead and Thor tackled him around the waist. Their battle was continued like this in the mist of the already chaotic Ale House.

Loki had managed to flip around and now straddled Thor's waist and continued to punch his while shouting.

"YOU. LEFT. ME. THERE. TO. ROT. IN. PRISON. NOW. I WILL. MAKE. YOU. SORRY!"

Loki got off and flipped Thor around, then yanked him up by his hair. "Say cheese!"

Thor was confused. "Say cheese?"

Then the chair hit him in the nose.

A loud _crunch_ followed by Thor's yell halted all the fighting in the room. Everyone seemed to have a blindfold removed from them as they all looked around at the mess of the Ale House. Many men were on the floor groaning, women were crying for the loss of hair (no doubt pulled out from the battle), tables and chairs were broken, mugs shattered, and gaming pieces were everywhere.

Thor felt people helping him to his feet and someone putting a cool rag under his nose. At first he flinched away from the object, and then he heard his mother's soothing voice whispering securities. He looked around him; Loki was nowhere in sight but the man who hit him with the chair stood wide eyed at Thor.

Thor recognized him as the orange haired man who had started all of this. He glared at him as much as he could with one black eye, bruised jaw, several cuts, a busted lip, and now a broken nose. The man dropped the chair and ran even faster than one of the village rats, tripping several times along the way. Frigga now maneuvered herself to be in front of Thor and pulled his head down to look at her. She scanned his face, "What has happened my s

"Verið velkomin."

Frigga laughed, a mirth filled sound that made Thor smile and chuckle a bit. She kissed her son's head after making sure he would be alright. Then a new form of chaos came as his mother tried to get all the seriously injured to the healers. So Thor easily slipped out and went back to earth.

~END OF FLASHBACK~

Now back to Thor's dilemma. He could come up with some fathom to explain the injuries, but lying was not something to be worth of. So that idea was cast out into the wind. Now he only had two options. 1) Hope that the other Avengers are asleep so he could try to sneak into the tower. Or 2) tell the story behind his broken nose. Thor was hoping for the first. His nose had stopped bleeding a while ago, but the bridge still hurt with a hot passion. There was no hiding it and the only way it would heal properly is if he slept for a day or two, which was do able.

Thor landed on the roof of the Avenger's Tower as quietly as he could, but with the thunderstorm overhead, he had no doubt in his mind that the whole city knew of his presence. He walked over to the elevator on the top of the building and pushed the button for his floor. Thor silently watched the numbers scroll down and tapped his foot impatiently on the steel elevator.

"Hello Thor" Jarvis' British accented voice filled the void and startled him.

"HELO MAN I DA VWALLS! HOW ARE YOU FARING?"

"Quite well. Where you not trying to be quiet upon your arrival?"

Thor internally cursed himself. "Aye. Are my oder bruthers in arms awake?"

"Yes, sir. They have been waiting for your return for a while now. "

Thor cursed. "Alright, dank you Man in da Vwalls."

"You are welcome, sir."

*So much for sneaking in* The elevator doors opened to reveal the group all lounging on Thor's oversized couch and watching a movie. Steve was the first to look up, he opened his mouth to say something to him, but just stared for a second squinting at the man. Bruce and Tony were on either side of him looked up at too at the Captain's pause. Clint was lying on his stomach on the floor with Natasha leaning on his shoulders looked up to. "What? What happened?"

Tony was the one who spoke next. "Jar, hit the lights would ya?"

The bright beams came on, making Thor squint and then wince at the gasps that went through the room. Then Tony started laughing. Everyone looked at him and glared as Steve and Bruce moved to get up. Tony quieted after the looks of death he was getting, but the grin never left his face. Steve walked over to Thor, who looked like a kicked puppy, and Bruce came back from another room carrying a first aid kit and an ice pack. Steve let Thor settle into the recliner next to the couch as Bruce put ointment on the cuts and bandaged his nose.

"What happened Thor?" Bruce asked the question that everyone wanted to know.

Thor looked up at everyone, when Bruce gave him the ice pack. They all seemed sincere enough in their intentions, so Thor answered in his even deeper voice.

"I had gotten myself into wat friend star cals a barfigh."

Everyone looked confused. "What?" Steve asked.

Thor sighed and repeated his statement. "I had gotten myself into a barfigh."

"What?" Clint said, confusion was the only way to explain his face. Then the Man in the Walls spoke for Thor.

"I believe that Thor is trying to say that he had gotten into a bar fight."

Thor nodded toward the ceiling in a sign of thanks. Then looked back at his team. Stark had mirth written all over his face, Steve and Bruce looked worried, and the Scarlet Spider and Archer looked ready for murder. Thor ducked down his head and looked at the TV screen and its position on a bright orange fish with black and white stripes.

"Well, I can see the damage that the fight did to you. And now I know for the future that whenever the god of THUNDER isn't making a booming entrance it is because he has lost the battle to beer and women." Tony said. Everyone turned to Tony and threw various things at him for pillows to popcorn that Thor had just noticed was

He smiled at the people that he called his second family and laid back in the chair to sleep, but not before hearing Tony's comment on the "Thunder Mouse"

"STEV'N!"

 **Translations as promised!**

Meinfretr-stink fart

Meyla- little girl

Kerling- old hag

Qlfuss- drunkard

5\. Verið velkomin- Got drunk with Loki and woke up on Mars.


	3. Clint

**Clint (**#)**

There are many things that brings pure and absolute joy to Clint Barton otherwise known as "Hawkeye". There is Team Movie Night at the Avengers tower, sparring with his teammates in the indoor gym, hiding in the rafters and watching the rest of the world with a bird's-eye-view, and getting into fights with Tony just to watch the man get flustered. However, there is only one thing that makes the man's insides churn with eager anticipation and adrenaline. Only one thing that truly releases his mischievous side the most…

Pulling pranks!

Clint is the mastermind in the world of pranking. No one really knows- well, excluding Natasha, who would probably kill Clint if he even did prank her- why the man finds joy in scaring the crap out of people. There are theories, but the difference between a theory and Clint is that you simply cannot put a theory to Clint. Or any of the Avengers for that matter.

None of the pranks Hawkeye pulls leave noticeable damage except to the person's pride. And the other members of his team do find in amusing to see one of the high and mighty SHIELD agents constantly checking over their shoulders, and/or running like a mad man through the halls of the helicarrier. Yet despite contrary belief, Clint does NOT use the air vents for his pranks.

One, because the air shafts for him to fit his muscular shoulders through. And two, it is not very practical of the view that Clint wants to observe his work. And three, that would just seem to obvious! So that is probably why the man in purple was trying to find an access point into Tony's air vents back at the tower.

~FLASHBACK~

The mission they had just come back from was a bust! They knew it wasn't going to be easy to break into a HYDRA base to gain some top secret intel on the black market deals that the force were making, but COME ON! That mission was freakin' murder! As soon as they got there, some-oh let's say a HUNDRED! - Armed HYDRA soldiers with freaky alien technology were waiting for them. Someone must not have properly secured their radio transmition back at the base when the Avengers were enroute, because those soldiers were ready!

As soon as the quinjet was spotted, the enemy forces were aiming their artillery thingys at the jet and tried to shot the passengers that are not able to fly out of the sky! Clint was cursing so much trying not to crash the 250 million dollar jet, that Steve didn't even bother trying to tell him about his language favoring instead to hold onto the net on the wall on the far right.

Explosions and smoke clouds were covering the cockpit windows, making it hard to see. The dashboard controls and needles were going berserk due to their rapid descent. And just to top it all off, Clint could have sworn he heard a very hulkish groan coming from the passenger bay. *Yeah, just perfect…*

Clint brought his hand up to his intercom and prayed that the man would answer back.

'Tony! Do you copy?!' Clint didn't really care if he hurt Stark's ears, after all, the man caused those more headaches with his rants more than anything.

'Yeah, Katniss, hear you loud and clear! Where are you?! There are HYDRA people everywhere and- Oh crap! Not the suite, not the suite, NOT THE SUITE!' Clint heard what sounded like a bazooka firing a missile and Tony's, honest to God, scream. If it weren't for the fact that Clint, Natasha, Steve, and Bruce would turn into a mess of broken bones and scrap metal at the moment, Clint would have called him out.

'Tony! I can't freaking SEE anything!' Clint growled between clenched teeth,' I don't even know if I'm still over the HYDRA base! So forget about the stupid suite for once and bring your tin can butt up here and give me a hand!'

'All right! Sheesh! I'm coming Hawk***, where are you exactly?'

"STARK!" This time Natasha yelled both on the intercom in in the jet. She was trying to help Clint steer the monstrous machine while being thrown every which way in the co-pilot seat.

'Coming!'

The quinjet rocked and buffeted over the air currents as the two pilots tried to steer. Steve walked up behind them and braced himself on the head rests of their seats, trying to find a firm hand hold. The thick smoke was quickly lessening as the three were soon face to face with the fast approaching forest. Using all the strength they had Natasha and Clint tried to pull up, but gravity was their enemy. Steve closed the rest of the distance between him and his teammates and covered them in a tight hug, so when- not if- they crashed he would take the blunt of it. Time slowed and what was mere seconds turned to hours in their minds until something hard collides with the bottom of the reinforced metal jet. The impact rocked the three people smooshed between Steve's arms rather violently.

*At least Bruce was smart enough to put his harness on as soon as the turbulence began.* Was what Clint thought when the sparingly comforting and annoying voice of Tony stark came over the com system.

'You guys need to go on a diet! This thing weighs a ton'

'Indeed!'

*Thor? When did he get here?* Clint opened his eyes and looked through the cockpit window, no one was there…so, where the heck was Thor and Tony?

'Okay? Is everyone alive in there?' Thor and Tony, who were bracing both wings of the quinjet grew silent as they waited for a response. Tony positioned his feet from being horizontal with his body to be right in front of him to slow his decline and Thor just straight up braced for impact the showoff that he is. Both man, Asgardian, and jet hit the rough evergreen forest floor with a spray of dirt and rocks. Tony's suit kept him from getting anything other than a few bruises and Thor looked unfazed, but…what about the other people in the quinjet?

'Uhm…guys? Sorry to interrupt any person moments, but…ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!'

Tony and Thor pressed the earcomms closer to their ears as static started to become words.

'Tony…look….Bruce….okay?...'

Thor turned to face the man in the iron suit with a questioning look on his face that any other time would have made the brunette face palm.

'Uh…what?!'

That was when they heard the obnoxiously loud "HULK SMASH!" followed by the big green monster wearing purple shorts-that always made Tony wonder just how many Hulk had-that came crashing out of the back of the Avengers jet. Tony jumped to the side as the Hulk barreled past yelling something like, "MUST CRUSH STUPID MEN CARRYONG BIG GUNS!" Thor looked over at Tony, to be sure he was alright before swinging his hammer and taking off. Tony just stood there and looked after the giant green Hulk and the blonde god of Thunder. Then another thought hit him, what is up with the Hulks purple shorts?

Because honestly! Every time you see the Hulk he had on those purple shorts! Did he ever wash them? Why did Bruce always wake up butt naked if he would have the overstretched boxers on? Where did they ever come from?! Tony chuckled inwardly at the mental image of Hulk doing laundry, then cringed because if he was washing his shorts…then what would he wear 'til they were done?

"I told you to look out."

Tony turned around to see Steve standing there and looking at him. Clint and Natasha not far behind. "Where the heck were you when I first called on the freaking earcomm, Stark?!" Clint was heated. First they nearly died trying to land the stupid jet, then Bruce Hulks out putting extra weight on the plane making it harder to land, and to put the cherry on top! He walks out of the huge Hulk sized hole in the back of the jet, to find Tony staring at Hulk's butt! So, technically, Clint had every right to be pissed off!?

Stark lifted his face plate with a look of fake shock. "There was static!' the billionaire was waving his arms around frantically and gesturing toward the area of his helmet where the ear piece was,' so, it wasn't my fault if I didn't get the memo! You need to speak up Katniss if you want to be heard!"

Clint stepped through the hole and started to close the distance between him and the brunette cracking his knuckles. "Why I 'otta…" but Steve's firm hand stopped him from shoving an arrow down his throat.

"Alright you two! Clint I know you're pissed, but we have to try and salvage one of the HYDRA weapons and bring it back to headquarters before Hulk destroys them. And better now than never."

As if right on que, Hulk let out another earsplitting shout followed by various explosions and shouting by other men in German and English. The four shuttered.

"Fine." Clint said before storming off in the direction of the base Natasha not far behind. As Tony and Steve ran toward the heat of the action to help Hulk and Thor. After many shouts, explosions, Tony clothes-lining people, cursing, and Steve correcting them on language; they managed to save one of the HYDRA stealth jets plus a few of the other weird looking weapons there. The quinjet was not suitable for flying, no thanks to Bruce, so everyone piled into the HYDRA stealth jet. And, silently hoped that SHIELD wouldn't shoot them out of the sky.

~END of FLASHBACK~

As soon as they landed on the SHIELD flying air base- without being blown to smithereens, thank you very much- they we immediately debriefed and let lose around the base until another jet was lent to them. Clint was still mad at Stark, so he took out his anger on some of the personnel roaming through the halls. He put a whoopee cushion in Fury's chair in the head conference room. Hide special Agent Hills' coffee on the top shelf of her bookcase. And most importantly, climbed up the opposite walls in the hall ways and fired split balls at passing agents through a straw while bracing himself with one arm. Their misery was his fun, but there was still one person that needed, no, DESERVED payback. And that is why Clint stopped in front of the opening of the AC vent above Steve's door and appraised in wickedly.

It took long enough, but he finally found the perfect entrance point. Working quickly, Clint stood on his tippy toes and detached the vent grill from the wall with ease. Putting his hands on the bottom, he hoisted himself up and into the air vent. It was a tight fit and he thanked whoever was watching him that there was no draft. Leaving the grill on the floor-he knew this would only take him a minute- Clint began the tight and slow crawl through the air vents.

_Line Here_

Tony was working on one of his suits when he first heard the noise. At first he just stopped what he was doing, but quickly shrugged it off and kept up dismantle and reassembly the suit. Them he heard it again, now Tony looked up. Something, or someone, was causing an eerie scraping sound and it was annoying. Tony left his work and wondered around the lab.

*Where is that sound coming from?*

He was directly under the opening to the air vent when he heard it again. He froze and looked up and mumbled something like, "Seriously? It's always the air vents! Why do the birds in New York always find their way in there?" Tony turned on his heels and walked back to his project.

"Hey, Jar?"

"Yes, Sir?" The AI slightly metallic British accent spoke over the speakers.

"Turn the AC on full blast will you? I think we have another pigeon invasion on our hands and I don't wanna hear Pepper complaining about the bird poops again. It's just plain nasty!"

"Yes, sir. Right away, sir." Jarvis replied, before turning the air conditioning on a super powered cold blast.

_Line Here_

Clint was hot. The metal doing nothing to keep him cool, but he kept moving forward because this prank would so be worth it! The archer could feel the truth serum filled dart in his pocket and the blow pipe attached to his arm. If this plan worked, Tony would not be able to lie about any question for at least three hours. This was probably his best plan yet! He was nearing the granted entrance to Tony's lab when he caught the last of the conversation echoing through the opening.

"…complaining about the bird poops again. It's just plain nasty!"

Then Jarvis' reply," Yes, sir. Right away, sir."

*Did Tony have birds? And why did it sound like Jarvis was trying to hide something?* Alarm bells were going off in Clint's head as he tried to put the words together.

Birds…poop…Jarvis….Clint…Chuckle…AIR VENT!?

"Holy…" was all Clint was able to get before the blast of cold air assaulted his face. The air was freakin' COLD! No wonder Clint never saw birds trying to nest near the AC ducts on the roof! Tony froze all their reproductive organs!? Clint was pushed back with a startling force through the air shafts. He knew there were a lot of turns but geez! Not this many! The world kept twisting and turning and pushing Clint toward another opening, but not before he could properly shield his face.

_Line Here_

Steve heard it before he felt it. The cold air shooting through the air ducts, quickly engulfed the huge living room that the Avengers usually gathered in to watch movies once they all moved in. Steve knew that Tony had an unnatural body temperature do to the arc reactor in his chest, but did it seriously need to be THIS cold? He got up from his usual spot in the middle of the couch and went to grab the green blanket on the back of a recliner when he heard the yelping and tumbling.

Steve stopped mid-step and turned toward the sound. *Was that coming from the air vents?* was the last thought Captain America had before hearing a loud _crunch_ and watched in slow motion as the grill broke off the wall and a body came hurtling toward him. Clint's back came in contact with Steve's chest, knocking the wind out of him before they both tumbled to the ground with a satisfying _umph_ and _thump_.

What seemed as minutes passed by as Steve started to catch his breath and looked down to see Clint looking up at the ceiling holding his nose and eyes scrunched closed.

Natasha and Bruce were the first to enter and evaluate the display. Bruce tried not to smile and brought a hand up to his mouth, brown eyes displaying mirth. And Natasha gave an unlady like snort before saying something in Russian. Thor came in and tilted his head to the side like a confused puppy before proceeding over to help his comrades, as the elevator door opened to reveal Tony Stark with the biggest cocky grin anyone has ever seen.

Natasha was the first to break the ice," I told you it wouldn't work."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I bow, I bow. I sill vanted to dry though!' Clint replied as he took Thor's hand and accepted a tissue from Bruce to stifle his bleeding nose. Steve watched at the facial feature swelled up and lay at a crooked angle on the archer's face. *He must have hit his nose on the grill when he came out of the air vents.* Steve took Thor's offered hand and stood up, to get a better view of his teammates. Thor looked worried and confused, Bruce looked like he was about to laugh as he set Clint's nose with a few butterfly bandages, Natasha seemed between wanting to kill Clint or laugh at him, Tony looked cockier than usual, and Clint was wincing and glaring at Tony. *Am I missing something?*

Tasha answered his unspoken question.

"Clint wanted to pay Tony back for what he did on the mission. So he prepared a blow dart full of truth serum and hopped into the air vents to get close enough to Tony's lab and shoot him. Judging by Stark's expression, he either heard Clint or Jarvis ratted him out and turned on the AC to flush him out. And I can assume you can put the rest of the story together."

Clint looked at her and gave her a defeated look, which was greatly enhanced due to his nose. "Tasha, 'he whined, 'why bid you bell them dat!" The other assassin shrugged and went over to the chair on the far side of the room to pick up her book and started to read. Bruce chuckled," Well Clint, you nose is broken, but it should heal in about a week or two."

Clint pouted and Tony just started laughing. Thor took his eyes off Clint and watched Stark. "Friend Stark, why are you laugh at the Man of Hawks injury? This is no laughing matter." Tony wiped a few tears from his eyes as he was trying to steady his breathing.

"OH LORD! Does anyone else see the irony in this?!" He looked up to see blank expressions all around.

Tony mumbled something demeaning under his breath. "Why are you all so slow? Anyway, Clint? HAWKeye? AIR vents? Ring any bells?"

Again silence, then Bruce started chuckling. Tony lit up and laughed again. Bruce was turning red as he faced the group…well, except Clint, who looking at the floor. "There is a running joke at SHIELD that Clint/Hawkeye lives in the air vents, so the fact that he was in them and trying to pull a prank that back fired makes the joke even more of a reality."

The other members of the team let out a collective "Ohhh" before the laughed. Thor bellowed, Steve shook his head and chuckled, and Natasha let a smile slip. Tony was hooting by now and Clint was getting redder faster than the Bruce turned green.

"I'm gonna kiw you Star!" Clint roared as he proceeded to run toward the man. Tony took off down one of the many hallways from the living room with Clint on his heels. Cackling all the way. The laughter in the living room slowly turned to wincing and cringing as the sounds between iron and bird commenced. There was a lot of yelling, and cursing, and crashing, and banging…

Then silence, before Clint bellowed in a voice that physically shook the tower.

"STE!?"


	4. Natasha

**Natasha (***$)**

 **A/N: Hey! Thank you guys for your comments and guess on how to next chapters will unfold! This is my very first fanfiction and I am super happy to finally have a good enough story idea to put this up for the world to see. Writing is so much fun, and after this one, I have other ideas for more fanfics! So please keep on reviewing! I will accept any criticism good or bad and enjoy!**

Natasha was curled up in one of the unspecified Avengers living room lounge chairs. She sat with her legs close up to her chest, dressed in civilian clothes with one of her favorite Russian books in hand. The room was big and roomy with plenty of windows to survey the New York skyline during the day. Today was rather nice to, so Natasha was able to read her book with natural light while maintaining an excellent vantage point of the room in her comfy seat.

The space was big enough for every one of the Avengers to enjoy it comfortably. Along with her chair, there was a smooth long red leather sofa accompanied with many other love seats in what could be considered as the living room all facing the ridiculously huge plasma screen TV. The dining table was at the far left right behind the sofa and surrounded by eight chairs for each Avenger including Pepper and Jane- whenever she came. On the left side of the room separated by a tasteful granite island surrounded by bar stools lay the kitchen in which the group would assemble- or, more often than most, Steve would assemble- to make their meals. Along with a bar adjacent to the kitchen, a few painting and drawings done by none other than Cap himself, and a few other simple touches, this room alone had the potential to become the Widow's home, not that she would tell Stark she said that.

This morning was quiet, and considering her roommates…Natasha was almost worried. Avengers Tower was rarely if ever _quiet_. So just to be safe she had asked-well, more like threatened, because the AI was too darn smart for its own good- Jarvis, before settling down, where everyone was.

Steve was on his floor sitting on the balcony drawing. Tony and Bruce were in the lab doing God knows what. Thor was in Asgard. Pepper had a few errands to run and a business meeting. And Clint was sitting on the floor beside her hip propped up against the couch doing a weapons check. Natasha didn't mind his company as long as he wasn't really poky. As a matter of fact, he hadn't left her side since she came back from her last SHIELD mission. But she had a feeling as to why the SHIELD spy, and trusted companion, was following her around like an eager puppy.

Natasha had come back from the mission with the usual cuts, scrapes, and bruises, but it was the fact that she had to have Bruce align and bandage her broken nose that made Clint go all guard dog on her. The corners of her lips came up a bit in the shadow of a smile as she remembered that mission and the poor stupid men who suffered more than a broken nose at the hands of Black Widow.

 **~FLASHBACK~**

 _I am surrounded by idiots_. Natasha thought, as she watched to dark skinned Angolan men rush back and forth from where she sat tied up in a metal chair in the center of the room. The men were yelling and shouting commands to each other in Portuguese while carrying all kinds of illegible weapons and boxes so full of blood diamonds that she was pretty sure could buy up Tony's entire industry with them.

She understood what was going on around her of course. Portuguese being one of the many languages that she could speak fluently thanks to the Red Room, but it was rather amusing that these men thought of her simply as a pretty, red haired, and ignorant American tourist who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. But unbeknownst to them, this "stupid red head" was a SHIELD spy who was sent to confirm suspicions of illegal weapons and diamond distribution through the Black Market in Angola, Africa, and considering how her plan was working so far, the evidence was running all over the place.

Natasha chuckled to herself earning several curious glances from the arms dealers, this is why she considered herself independent of men. She could have easily gotten out of the restraints hours ago, but where was the fun in that? I mean honestly, who wouldn't want to be in a hot metal bunker in the middle of a desert in the dry season of one of the hottest continents in the world! She does! But when one really thought about it, SHIELD was the one who found the places and gave the orders. So, it wasn't really her choice. Come to think of it, Natasha sat there in the uncomfortable chair and thought about what she was going to do once she got into the air conditioned jet after going over a few things in her head.

She already had the evidence all around her, the exists mapped out, a head count of all the sweaty men bustling about, she had discreetly turned on the tracking beacon attached to her thigh in the skin tight skinny jeans she was wearing, and, just for the fun of it, came up with some interesting ways of disposing of her captors when the opportunity was right. All she had to do now was see who was in charge, and that question was just about to be answered as a group of five black men approached her chair.

The one in the front smiled wickedly at her. Natasha tried to fane innocence to cover the growing satisfaction that these men had no clue who they were dealing with as they fanned out around her seat.

The man who was obviously the leader stood in a position of power with his shoulders squared hands on hips and feet shoulder width apart. His teeth were amazingly white against his dark skin and bald head, while black eyes took her in hungrily. He looked over to the other men, who she assumed where his minions, and commented on her body in Portuguese. The other men in turned eyed her and laughed as Natasha started to squirm a bit in the chair.

"Ah, is the ginger worried now?" His accent was thick as it left his big lips.

Natasha just glared at him. "No,' she replied smugly,' I am more worried that spit will fly out of your mouth any moment from your constant drooling, than anything else. I already took a shower today."

The man's expression turned from hunger to rage as her lashed out at Natasha, his ringed hand connected with her cheek with a loud _smack_. Her head was jerked to the side due to the impact, but Natasha sat up again tongue massaging the new hole inside her cheek as her cold blue eyes glared.

"Why do men always go for the face whenever they hold woman hostage? It's always face and hair. I never understood that," Natasha replied, then turned to the guard on her right and spit a stream of blood and mucous on his shoes. The man reflexively drew back shaking off his shoe and made a move to approach her, but the leader put his hand to halt his progress.

He turned around to snatch a chair from right underneath one of the men working with the blood diamonds and placed it in front of Natasha straddling it; as the man from whom the chair was stolen got off the ground and continued working rubbing his sore glutes and glaring at the back of his bosses head. He sat there observing her, and she him as the world around them continued.

As he was watched her, Natasha was trying to figure out which one of the twins he was from the files that SHIELD gave her before the operation. They had beliefs that it was either one or both of the brothers that was working on this raid. She mentally went over the files for the now named Enano and Helder Angola. When she had first received their information, Natasha had almost laughed at the irony of their last name.

They were identical twins, but she was good at finding subtle differences between people, due to her assassin training. After all, the last thing you want to do on a mission is kill the wrong family member in a weapon specialist weapon and diamond raid. Natasha was good yes, but still, one rightly placed bullet could be the end for her.

Both brothers obviously looked similar, but no two things are alike perfectly. These twins had different eye shapes, that she could see right off the bat when viewing the files. Enano had wider almond shaped eyes, while Helder had thinner ones. But there was one way to completely confirm which twin she was dealing with.

Helder has a black tribal tattoo on his ribs on the left side, while Enano's body lacked any marking besides a dark birthmark on his right knee.

Natasha averted her eyes and glanced at the floor. Appearing to be toeing some sand in front of her chair while looking at his right knee from the upper corner of her eyes. She thanked whoever was watching from above that he was wearing shorts, because sure enough, right smack in the groove of his right knee was a dark black birthmark. She was dealing with Enano.

Now her brain remained strictly on this man. He had a lengthy track record from armed robbery, to assaults, rape, and murder, but so did every bad guy. The only difference was that Enano here, liked to play and torture his hostages, while his brother just flat out shot them. Now, this was going to be interesting…

Enano's accented voice brought Natasha out of her strategic thoughts. "Red head, how did you manage to come to my bunker? Get lost?" He smiled evilly. Natasha schooled her face in cold unconcern.

"I was coming out of the museum to go to the restroom when I saw some of your little lap dogs throwing duffels and carrying heavily artillery. As I was trying to turn around one of them grabbed me and shoved me into the back of your sweat smelling van, put a bag over my head, tied my hands, and then dropped me off here." Natasha ended while looking around the room and scrunching her nose with distaste.

Enano chuckled and placed his hands on the top of the chairs back before resting his chin on it. "How do I know that you are not a spy? Everyone here in Angola is armed with weapons such as these." He waved one of his hands out, gesturing towards the room. She answered back, not skipping a beat.

"Men with as many guns as you had outside an art museum throwing jingling boxes back and forth into the back of a windowless SUV is really suspicious to just about anyone." Enano's faced morphed into pure surprise in three seconds flat as he looked up toward the other men surrounding them.

"You did what?!" Natasha smirked, that big burly men around then seemed to shrink back under their command's voice much like the agents at SHIELD do to Fury or an angry Agent Hill. His exclamation was enough to make some of the worker piss themselves.

She loved her job.

Enano brought up a hand and rubbed it down his face, messing up his eyebrows in an act of utter frustration and stood form his chair. "You were supposed to smuggle them here **without** anyone seeing. You fools already screwed up there! You brought a hostage. Who, judging by her appearance will be noticed when missing! And now she knows where one of our bases is! This was supposed to be a clean job! Get the diamonds, bring them here, and then put them on the black market! How the HECK COULD YOU SCREW UP SOMETHING THIS SIMPLE!" That was the clean version.

Natasha looked around at each of the men and smirked at each and every one of their faces, all in a state of shame, embarrassment, and fear. Also, just to put the cherry on top, Enano had not only said, but shouted his whole plan to the world of SHIELD undercover microphones.

Today was a _good_ day.

Before one of the men could respond, a scrawny looking kid came running into the room. All work had stopped by then due to Enano's yelling. The boy stood there for a moment panting heavily but still being able to relay the message, horror reflected in his dark eyes.

"There are American officers approaching!" The boy yelped as his shirt collar was yanked closer to the angry weapons specialist.

WHAT?!"

"American soldiers are coming! And they have helicopters and everything." Enano threw the boy to the ground and started shouting orders to the now scrambling men in the room. Things were haphazardly thrown into wooden craters, people running with stacks of paper in their arms toward metal barrels that where now set ablaze, men who fell where being trampled. The whole nine yards, as they were trying to do a cleanup job.

Natasha could now hear the _thwop thwop_ of helicopter blades above the shed as sand poured down on her head. The men who were previously around her scattered to do other assigned tasks. Leaving Enano and her in the middle of the room. He turned to her with cold eyes,"You work for the Americans?!"

Natasha shrugged, "The one and only SHIELD."

Enano paled and drew out his concealed .45 hand gun. Natasha let the ropes fall off her hands and tackled the man. Silently thankful that the guards so her as weak enough to only tie her wrists and ankles together. The two fell to the ground and Tasha heard more than felt his head connect with the concrete floor as the gun went off. That started a chorus of other weapons as the men inside the building opened fire on the SHIELD agents outside. Natasha rolled off the now unconscious man and hurriedly untied her ankles, eyes never leaving her surroundings. She let the ropes fall where they lay and tried to grab Enano's fallen fire arm, when someone grabbed her from behind.

Natasha instinctively threw her head back and smacked the back of her skull against the face of her captor. He loosened his grip enough for her to turn and punch him in the throat, then make another lounge for the gun. She grabbed it and fired two shots into the men as he tried to grab her again.

Many more came at her now, but Natasha was prepared. A group of about eight full grown men surrounded her. Two decided to make the first move. The one in front tried to fire his weapon, but Nat grabbed his gun hand and twisted it behind his back and over her shoulder to fire it at the man behind her. Then she knocked it out of his hand and kicked his butt with enough momentum to make him eat floor. Someone else came at her with a knife only to have his wrist broken, ear drums burst, and kicked in the groin. By now three of them chickened out and ran for cover against enemy fire. Natasha used one of the two as a human shield against a knife and a few stray bullets, until she turned and found a fist hurtling toward her face.

Natasha's head was jerked back by the sear force of the blow as something warm gushed from her nose and into her mouth. She stumbled a bit, but regained her balance as more knuckles approached her. She was able to block most of them successfully until she was able to punch the man in the throat thoroughly cutting off his air supply. Nat roundhouse kicked him in the head and he went down. By now SHIELD officers were storming in and taking things as evidence. Natasha was breathing heavy through her mouth, but more from the broken nose than the actual fighting.

As she surveyed the damage, Coulson came through the front and handed her a wet rag and a bottle of water. Natasha took them with a grateful look and gingerly wiped at her nose. She grimaced at the amount of blood before proceeding to clean her mouth. Placing the water to her lips, she almost groaned in pleasure as the cold liquid slid down her throat. She put the now empty bottle in Coulson's waiting hands and wadded up the cloth to hold underneath her now flowing nose.

"Vhat took you so lwong?" Natasha asked, and silently cursed at how nasally her voice sounded. She wasn't going to hear the end of it once she got back.

Coulson smirked at her predicament. "We were waiting for his admission-'he stopped midsentence as a pair of paramedics proceeded to lifting Enano onto the stretcher.' He's not death is he?"

Natasha turned around and watched what was happening. She shrugged, "I bidn't hit 'im dat hard." Natasha glared.

Coulson softly chuckled and motioned for her to follow him back a waiting helicopter.

 **~END OF FLASHBACK~**

After she got back, she removed the SHIELD given ice pack from her nose and allowed Bruce to reset it for her. Natasha didn't talk to anyone but Clint since her return and she was perfectly content to keep it that way. Judging by the looks on everyone else's face, they liked that idea as well.

After all, it was kind of hard to believe that Natasha could even break her nose. Let alone what her voice would sound like. So for the most part Tony left her alone.

However, Natasha did have a childish too. And just because he wasn't messing with her now doesn't mean he won't do it later. She looked up from her book and at the ceiling to the waiting AI. Clint snickered at what he knew was coming and put his rifle in his lap watching Natasha like an evil five year old.

"Hey, Jarvis?"

"Yes, Ms. Romanova?"

Natasha smiled wickedly despite the way her nose protested. "Ste is still in 'is room bight?"

Jarvis caught on to what she was going to do and probably would have sighed. Both spies looked at each other. Jarvis was cool and all, but you think about it, he did have the potential to make you nervous.

"Yes, Ms. Romanova. Sir is still in the lab and Captain Rogers is currently in the shower. Would you like me to open the communication system throughout the tower?"

Just then Pepper walked in with a few colorful bags in hand and proceeded to put them on the counter, but halted at the sight of the two _smiling_ superspies. She brought one hand up and touched her ear piece eyes never leaving them, "I'll call you back, Chris."

"What did Tony do?" Pepper asked in an exasperated voice.

Clint's shoulders were now shaking in silent laughter. "It's more like what he didn't do…."

Natasha kept her eyes on the ceiling, smirk never wavering. "Yes, pwease."

She sent Pepper a look of apology before yelling as loud as she could into the room.

"STE!"

 **A/N: I know it's short, please don't kill me! But next is Steve and Tony. *Smiles Evilly***

 **Don't forget to leave reviews please!**


	5. Steve

**Steve and Tony (*****%^)**

 **A/N: Okay, this is not a slash or pairing thingy. I just thought about combining the two together because I could not come up with a good idea for them to stand by themselves. As you have noticed, everyone calls Steve at the very end of each story. So let us see how that turned out for him and the other Avengers in the Tower. *Smiles and rubs hands together plotting***

 **P.S. Sorry it took so long. (Smiles sheepishly and scratches the back of neck) I had a lot of work to do…**

 **Disclaimer: I still do not own the Avengers….life sucks.**

Normally, Steve has more patience than this. But due to the events that have lead up to this moment in the past month or two, it's a miracle that he has been able to keep a clear head for this long.

This is why Steve Rogers, otherwise known as Captain America to the city of New York, was stalking down Tony Stark like he was a top secret file in a Hydra data base in the Avenger's Tower. This moment could have been avoided if one of two things happened. 1) Tony didn't annoy everyone in the Tower, or 2) Tony wasn't being cocky. Of course, the latter would have been difficult for the naturally snarky man, but one could only hope right?

The rest of the team, besides the hiding Tony, were worried for the two. Steve is practically the definition of patience as Bruce is for anger management! Look up the definition of the word patience in the dictionary and you'd find a picture of Captain America saluting you on the page in his full red, white, and blue glory. In any other situation, the team would bless the man for putting up with them for so long! He was practically oozing the quality! Steve has been the butt of many of Clint's pranks, has eyed the barrel of Natasha's guns, listens and tries his hardest to understand the rapid fire science talk that Bruce puts on him, and even sits and listens to Pepper rant about Tony. Heck! He even deals with Tony! Most people would have shoved them in a shrink office or ran for the hills to get out of the Avengers band of misfits.

But not Steve, well, until today that is.

He may be the most forgiving and self-sacrificing man in the world, but when you push his buttons to much and he lost his cool? Even the top S.H.I.E.L.D. spies didn't want to get in his way.

Everyone was still trying to piece together what had happened to actually cause this, and there efforts became even more frantic at Steve's ear splitting shout from one of the higher floors. At first no one seemed to realize that his shout was actually a word, and that word was Tony.

 **~FLASHBACK~**

"This is ridiculous! How the heck did he get out?"

"I have no inkly as to who let out Loki, but when I find whoever is responsible for this fowl prank, they will pay!"

Steve listened half-heartedly to who he had recognized as Tony and Thor complaining over the earcomm. This would not help the situation that they were currently in, so why were they fussing? Yet, all points considered, he was just as curious as to how the Norse god of mischief had managed to get back to earth. After the first alien invasion, the world opened up for Steve on a much bigger scale. Confusing the already out of time man even more with the potential of things much bigger and smarter than human beings outside of this galaxy.

In the 1940s, the idea of UFOs and other intelligent beings were things that only attention loving people chased. But as Steve was jumping over a smoldering ruin of a Honda Element that Loki blew it up with an energy ball, he was no longer calling them crazy. It was moments like these that made Steve wonder just what happened when he was under the ice. When did all of these things come up? How long have they been where they were? Heck! If it weren't for the supposedly fictional god flying over Times Square, Steve would still refuse to believe it!

"Thor, how the heck did you not know that Loki was out of his cell?! Weren't you just on Asgard last week?" Clint was shouting now, when had he started talking?

"He must have used a cloaking magic to disguise his absence. I went to see that he was still there, I swear it!" Thor said desperately. He honestly did, it was still a surprise to him as it was to the rest of the Avengers.

"Well, some check you did there Goldilocks! Hey! Watch it Loki! You are not the one who has to pay for the damage done to the city! I already have to pay for everything that Point Break over here demolishes, and New York is NOT one of them!?"

Then another explosion went off followed by evil laughter. "Aargh! Steve, I hope you have a better plan than jumping over hurdles!?"

Steve bit his tongue, cutting back the snarky remark about how he wouldn't have to jump over things if they stopped giving Loki stuff to set on fire in favor of saying, "I'm working on it, Stark."

Steve stopped midstride to catch his breath and remember the arrangements set prior to landing. Clint was stationed at the top of one of the building on 7th Avenue closest to the fight. Bruce and Tasha were flying the quinjet as close to the fight as possible to keep Loki in one general area. Thor and Tony were in the heat of the battle trying to tire Loki out. And he was coming off of 46th Street to meet the team. He would have been there sooner if it weren't for the fact that there were flying object being hurtled over building and almost crushing him. Another explosion went off, shaking Steve out of his two second trance.

"Cli- er, uhm, Hawkeye, how's the view?"

Clint took a second to respond. After all, he was talking to more than just the Avengers over the comm link. "Sorry, Cap, Fury yelling in my ear. Okay, Loki is being relentless. Tony has his butt stuck in an office building. Thor just hit Loki with lightning,' a loud crack followed by crashing and banging of a sort,' and Black Widow and Bruce are still in the quinjet. Where are you? Loki just got up again and looks pissed!"

Steve sighed and went back to running. "I'm rounding the bend now. There are just way to many cars here."

Clint laughed and Steve could hear the sharp _thwip_ of his arrows leaving his bow.

"Wow, Gramps. You're still using terms like "round the bend"? Next you're going to be sing "She'll be coming around the Mountain"! I need to teach you 21st century metaphors. Ouch- why does have to be so pointy?! Crap! He chipped my paint! Loki you sick cackling green Tellytubby! How dare you scratch my paint! Do you have any idea as to how expensive this is?! Wait, don't answer that. STEVE! Get you spangled tights over here!"

Steve grunted at Tony's antics and complains over his supposedly 'chipped' armor. When everybody knew good and well that the man could pay for it. For a billionaire/genius/playboy/philanthropist, Tony was probably one of the whiniest men that Steve ever met! He was still wondering to this day how they managed to stay a team for so long, or how Natasha hadn't tried to kill him yet. Steve made a hard left from what looked like a coffee house with a huge chunk of concrete shoved through the front entrance, never breaking stride. Steve silently hoped that the people inside had managed to evacuate the store before the rock went through.

"Don't worry Cap, the police and S.H.I.E.L.D. have managed to get most of the area evacuated." Clint replied as if reading Steve's mind.

Steve nodded his head in the direction of the building he knew Clint was stationed and continued running down the street. His serum enhanced sense determined the extent of the damage before his arrival.

Huge craters littered the streets all around the Times Square roads. Cars, thankfully unoccupied, were turned over and covered in soot and char if they weren't already on fire. Broken glass and telephone poles also covered the ground and live wires lay spazzing out on the street. Once decent looking building, were in shambles due to the fight against two gods, a man in iron and an archer's arrows. Fury was going to have a Field Day when he seeing the extent of the damage, but it's not like they could really help it!

Captain America reached back and retrieved his shield from the leather straps holding it in place along his spine. Yep, this was going to be a long day.

The fight ended up lasting another two hours once Steve arrived. And the outcome left only a few of them untouched. Around the end, Bruce was unfortunately asked to bring out the Hulk which turned out to be just the person- or thing? Steve didn't exactly know- that the Avengers needed. As soon as the green giant made his entrance known, Loki's paled by at least five shades and began flying for his life. Hulk had jumped up and scaled the nearest building- Tony had made some comment about him being Donkey Kong and when Steve asked about it, Tony told Jarvis to make a note to have Steve play something called Mario Kart- before launching himself in the air and tackling the god of mischief to the ground. Where he proceeded to do what he did to Loki at the battle against the Chitari.

Thor went over and placed his hammer directly over Loki's stomach to hold him in place until S.H.I.E.L.D. could arrive and take him while bringing in a cleanup crew. The Hulk then roared in Loki's face yelling, "PUNY GOD NO COME BACK!" then he let Bruce take control. Natasha approached the nude man with a pair of pants and a random t-shirt she had grabbed from a destroyed department store, which he accepted gratefully. Once Loki was contained, Steve did a once over of everyone and catalogued their injuries.

Natasha had a bright red line across her neck. That was probably from the whiplash she received when Tony ungracefully crashed into the jet when Loki shot at him, but other than that she was fine. Bruce looked exhausted, but then again he usually was after he let the Hulk take over. So that was something that a little sleep could fix. Thor was breathing heavy and favored his right leg slightly, but upon Steve's examining gaze shook his head as if saying he was fine. Tony was fine, with the exception of the dents and scratches on his suite. And Clint didn't seem to have a scratch on him! So to chalk things up, everyone just needed some food and sleep and they should be good as new.

Steve drew closer to his team just as Tony was taking off his face plate.

"Wow, Steve, how are you even walking?!" Steve cursed silently under his breath when everyone turned a questioning eye on their captain. He knew he didn't look good, but it was still odd to see the various looks on each of the other Avengers' faces. Steve's uniform was ripped and torn in several places, blood oozing from various cuts and burns. More than one area on the uniform was charred and upon closer inspection, Steve believed that there was glass shards in at least one of his cuts. Steve shrugged, fighting back a wince as he moved his tight shoulders.

"I'm fine, Tony. Just worry about your suite and what we are going to have for dinner." Steve wasn't in the mood to deal with the stubborn man as he swung his shield back onto his back ,groaned, and stood between Natasha and Thor.

"Tis not fine, Friend Steve! You are injured and require a healer! What all happened to you during the duration of the battle?" Steve tried to ignore Thor, but the man had the most compelling puppy dog face on at the moment as he took a much closer look at his injured Captain. Steve attempted to back up a step as Thor came a little too close for his comfort zone and looked down.

"I'm fine Thor, I just need to sle- Ahh! Natasha!?" Steve yelped as the black clad assassin poked his ribs. How did she even know they hurt?

"No, you're not fine Steve' she replied continuing to poke his side only getting the same response,' tell us what happened to your ribs, then I'll stop." She fixed Steve with her Don't-give-me-crap-look and folded her arms around her chest waiting. Steve still wanted to remain silent, but Clint, living up to his name sake, spoke for him.

"Loki used his septor and rammed Steve into the big screen a few times before tossing him into that office building." Everyone followed Clint's finger and were not surprised to find a Steve shaped hole in the brick building. Everyone let out a various sounds of acceptance before turning back to Steve.

The man tried to let out an exasperated sigh, but caught himself midway when his ribs protested violently. He clinched his eyes shut and waited for the hot pain to settle before meeting the archer's gaze.

"Traitor," Steve said as he watch the other blue eyed man chuckle step toward him. Taking off Steve's shiled, Clint took Steve's arm- that had somehow found its way around his torso- and gently placed it over his shoulders. Clint's right arm was wrapped around the middle of Steve's back to avoid the burn that resided in between his shoulder blades. Thor moved to take his other side. Natasha took Steve's shield from Clint so that he could have a better grip on the injured man, and followed behind the trio. Leaving Tony and Bruce to bringing up the rear and glaring at anyone who came to close.

 **~END FLASHBACK~**

Thor and Clint deposited Steve on one of the closest bed to the entrance of the infirmary in the Tower and Bruce went right to work. When he was in doctor mode, he required all none essentials out of the room. So the rest of the team went to their separate apartments to change into some comfortable clothes before meeting back up in the Avengers' living room. Everyone was in various forms of comfort when Bruce came in. He plopped down on one the plush loveseats and closed his eyes before telling everyone Steve's grocery list.

"He didn't get to badly hurt this time. He's got a couple stitches on his arms and chest, a few burns (they are all minor) on his back and front, and three cracked ribs. He'll be fine, he's in his room changing now." Whatever tension in the room diminished after hearing their unofficial/official doctor tell them the extent of Steve's injures. They all knew that he didn't like them worrying over him, but the man dealt with them on an almost daily bases. So it almost worried them whenever he shrugged off an injury or tried to hide them. That was when Tony decided to come into the room fiddling with one of his suite's gauntlets. Tony decided to do a manual take off today, to let the adrenaline slowly fade on its own.

"How's Spangles?" he asked, not looking up while digging the screw driver in one of the support ports.

Bruce opened his eyes and sat up just enough to see Stark from the back of the loveseat. "He'll live. Decided to go with a manual approach today?" Bruce raised an eyebrow.

"Yep."

Banner replied with an "hm" before flopping back down. Tony put the screwdriver on the hallway table and tried to pry off his gauntlet.

"D— that stupid Reindeer, he dented my gauntlet!?" Tony shouted and resorted to banging it against the marble table only making matters worse. Thor watched from his spot at the dining table next to Natasha.

"Do you require assistance, Son of Stark?" Thor asked, making a move to get up.

Tony stopped fiddling with a look of horror on his face that stilled the Asgardians efforts. "NO! I like my arm exactly where it is on my body with nothing broken! I already have to repaint the suite! No need to remake an entire hand!" Thor looked hurt at the accusation and stood up the rest of the way and proceeded to limping toward Tony. Stark took a step back into the hall way and held up both his protected and fleshy hands.

"Whoa, there Goldilocks! Don't get your cape in a twist." Now Thor was upset.

"I was only trying to assist you, Friend Stark! Why must you be as stubborn as an ox?" Tony looked half ready to laugh.

"I'm sorry, Shakespeare, but the last time you help me take a piece off my suite, and you ripped the entire face plate OFF! So, forgive me for not wanting any more of my toys broken! I have Dummy and Butterfingers for that!" Tony's arms were flying everywhere in his rant, not really paying attention to where they may land.

Natasha, who was watching the scene unfold from something amusing to a deadly ordeal tried to interfere," Careful Stark, you don't want to break something."

Tony tilted to the left of Thor to get a better view of the assassin as she watched the two men. "Oh really! Now you're on Hammer head's side! How dare you!" Just to make a point, Tony straightened and started to swing his arms all over the place in every which way he pleased. All the while giving Natasha an I'll-do-what-I-want face. He even went as far as doing the YMCA motions! "Look at me now, Nat! Oh wait the windmill!"

Tony was moving his arms in a circular motion.

"I wouldn't do that Stark…" Clint's eye widened at the sound of footsteps coming in through the halls. "You could hit somebo-"

But Tony interrupted him, "Look at this face Barton! I'LL DO WHAT I W-"A loud _crunch_ followed by someone's yelp stopped the billionaire midsentence. Tony froze and whipped around to see who he hit, only to turn and book it to the other hallway on the other side of the living room.

Steve titled his head up, eyes shut tight with the new pain that blossomed in his face. _What the heck was that?!_ He thought as he opened one eye to look at the cause of the pain. Everyone in the room before him looked like deer in the head lights of a car. Thor took a few steps back at the sight of the crimson river flowing down Steve's face, staining his lips and teeth. Natasha dropped her legs from the table and looked she was bracing to stand, Clint sat plank straight on the leather couch and Bruce was once again looking up over the back of the loveseat. But there was one person that wasn't in the room. One snarky, obnoxious, stubborn, playboy, genius that the Captain did not see.

"Where's Stark?" Everyone cringed at the venom that was laced in Steve's voice. No one had ever know their patient and polite Steve Rogers had a voice so scary. Steve's lip pulled back from his pink teeth as he snarled, "Where is he?!"

Every hand in the room pointed to the second hallway and faster that Thor's lightning, Steve was down the hall. Never had the Avengers seen a man that injured run that fast. It was that moment that Pepper came in from the elevator doors texting on her phone and purse draped over her shoulder. She looked up from her phone and at the startled expressions adorning everyone's faces. She frowned and looked around the room, only to find a few drops of blood splattered in a line across the carpet. "What did Tony do?" was her only reply just as Steve yelled for man of the hour…

"TONY!?"

 **A/N: Alright! This is the end of the story! Was it good? Should I make more for the Avengers or move on? Please review!**


	6. Epilogue:Tony

**Epilogue**

 **A/N: My brain wouldn't shut up! So here is one more chapter, just for you guys! I just had to bring one more.**

I ran down the dark hallway. Trying to not run into things. The creature behind me was fast, I knew that much. So to be honest, I have no clue if what I have been doing for the past few months was worth the risk. It's just so much fun poking at people! It's what I do! Clint has his pranks, Natasha her guns, Bruce his books, Thor his hammer; and making fun of all of them for it, is what puts that evil smile on my face.

I could feel the creature's presence behind me. There was no turning back, now. I had made it mad, angrier than the Hulk probably. If you wanted to try running in my shoes, put said Hulk in a cage and just shake him until he gets angrier and angrier by the day! Oh, and don't give him food, or water! Now put the cage down and hop in there with him, the only weapons you have on your person is a stupid metal gauntlet that refuses to get off of your arm and your devilishly good looks. That is the kind of situation that I am in!

Then I hear the venomous shout. I had no earthly clue what the beast was yelling, all I knew was that my legs couldn't go any faster! I'm tired, but thank God for adrenaline because that is the only thing keeping me from crashing to the floor. The only thing between the monster under my bed and my fleshy form.

Tony had been running for what seemed like hours. His arch reactor the only light keeping him from face planting on the soft gray carpet under his feet. Sweat beaded off his brow and he could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he made a sharp left in the hall and pressed his back against the wall.

Now he'd done it! He pissed Capsicle off. He made the mountain explode, he unleashed the great King Kong, or any other phrase that you want to put in that space! He did it!

The last month or two were fun for him though, every single one of the Avengers managed to break their noses and Tony got to be the one to annoy the crap out them. Granted, the only one he did on purpose was Bruce and Clint did that to himself by getting into the air vents, but call it karma all you want! Because to Anthony Edward Stark, they were the funniest things in the world. Heck, Bruce even got a thousand view so far and counting on Youtube! Tony broke out of his quiet musing in favor of hear the pounding of feet.

He held his breath and waited as the person stopped running. Tony dared looking around the corner only slightly, just to see if he had a chance to let the man cool down before trying to approach him. The only problem with that was the fact that Tony was frozen in his place. He had, no, **NEEDED** to look around the corner for just a second.

So gather every ounce of bravery he had, Tony placed his hand over the faint blue glow on his chest and ever so slowly turned his head around the corner to see his chaser. The only problem was that it was dark, but not pitch black. So Stark could easily find the shadowed figure in the nearly empty hallway. The man before him was Steven Rogers, otherwise known as America's first superhero under the cowl of Captain America, but today he was not saving little kids from burning cars. No, he was hunting. Tony brought his head back to the safety of his wall as Steve moved forward.

When Tony got a look, he was only ten feet away, but due to his long strides it wouldn't take long for Steve to grab him. Tony flinched at the sound of the man's voice as he spoke, "Cob out, cob out, where ever you are, Bony. I jus' vanna talk? Cob on, I bow dis vas an assident." Tony had to fight back the urge to scream. HE thought Steve sounded mad over the intercoms, but this was worse. His obviously broken nose brought a nasally quality to his voice that made it a hundred times scarier than Fury's.

Stark knew he had to move, it was the only way he was going to possibly live through this. Where was the rest of the team? What was the point of being earth's mightiest heroes, when they couldn't even save their devilishly handsome Iron Man!

 _Wait, since when have I ever needed help?_ Tony thought, as he began to slowly push off the wall to make as little noise as possible. _Since when, have I ever needed a Captain! Especially one who wears freaking spandex!_ Tony knew the lay out of the building, all he had to do was get back to the rest of the group. Steve wouldn't hurt him there, especially with Pepper finally home! All Stark needed to do was hope that Jarvis wouldn't rat him out and that he was as quiet as possible. Tony turned to the left and started to make his way to the Avengers' living room. Straight down the hall, one left, one right, one left, and then he was there. Tony prepared himself to run, when the he heard Steve speak again.

"Jarbis? Where's Bony?"

 _Crap_. Tony froze, uncertain as to what his artificial butler would say. Would he rat him out? He had annoyed the AI just as much as the others, but at the same time how much emotion did he give the computer anyway?

"He is less than five feet in front of you to the left, Captain Rogers. I believe he is heading back to the living room to seek the protection of Miss Potts."

 _The traitor!_ Was the only thought Tony had as he started to run again with a fiery passion. He made the first left in a heartbeat, Rogers was gaining on him. He could hear the man's wheezing breaths behind him. Wait, _wheezing_? Crap, he had crack ribs! And all of this running was probably doing more harm than good. Tony would have groaned, but he needed all the sweet precious air he could get at the moment. He made the right turn, only a few more feet! He could see the light from the living room! He was almost there!

When all of a sudden, the air was knocked out of him. Stark was sent to the ground with a heavy weight pushing his knees forward. He wasn't physically injured during the fight with Loki, but he no doubt had some form of bruising now. Tony tried to turn around and hit the weight behind his knees, kicking and screaming much too girlishly for his liking, but at the moment. He didn't give a! All he knew was that he was dead.

The weight got off and flipped Tony over, so now he was flat on his back still not able to breath properly. Steve was holding his shoulders down as he straddled the man beneath him. Knees on either side of his waist, and hand firmly holding his shoulders on the ground. The blue light from his chest cast on eerie glow over Steve's face and if this was a horror movie, Tony had no doubt that he would be screaming himself silly right now. Steve smiled and Tony could see just the extent of the damage his gauntlet did to Steve's face. His nose was very much tilted in the wring angle and blood now decorated his lips and teeth. Thank God, it had stopped bleeding by now, but still the blue light and crimson fluid made Steve's teeth purple. And he looked downright scary.

Steve glared down at Tony and spoke in a voice that sent chills down the man's spine. "You bink is funy messing wid people Bony?"

Tony being every the sarcastic one replied with a most definitely not fake smile he could muster while looking into Steve's cold eyes. "Uhm, you sure you got the right guy there, Sparky? I mean, I like messing with people yes, but only for the fun of mess with them. Not to scare the LIVING CRAP OUT OF THEM LIKE YOU ARE!?"

Tony's eyes widened as Steve threw his head back in laughter. _That's not good._

"Well, Bony, I wike you. You dry tu find the interesting vways tu make someone feel beder, by making bem feel stupid."

Tony was confused. Is Steve complimenting him? Or encouraging him? And how did he understand the nasally voice?

"What?!"

Steve chuckled. "Making Bruce drip ober your sneak'r,' he released on hand to count on his fingers,' poking at Thor afder he bought with 'is broder, fluwshing Kwint out of the air vents, and aboying Natasha…"

Tony was very confused. "I didn't do anything to Natasha! I'm not stupid! I am called a genius for a reason and messing with one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s most powerful weapons is pure stupidity!"

Now Steve was confused. Now was Tony's chance to prove his innocence!

"Tasha must have called you over the comm system through Jarvis while I was down in the lab! I swear I didn't do anything to her! I swear! Bruce, yes, he was on purpose. But Clint was just a freak of nature! I thought that he was the stupid pigeons that always manage to get in the air ducts! And Thor was just too hard to resist." Tony nervously chuckled at that one, as Steve's eyes narrowed. This is SOOO not gonna end well.

Steve fist slowly raised up behind his head, the smile wasn't there anymore. But a smirk replaced it now.

"Well Tony, do you even know how to break a nose?" Steve's voice was crystal clear now.

Tony shook his head, too afraid to speak for fear that his voice would shake.

"Then let me show you." And with that Steve's fist hit home.

Everybody was in the living room listening to the conversation in the hall way. No one was going to move in fear of who was going to walk out, but when they heard the shuffling of feet everyone stood around the door way and waited to see who would emerge first.

Tony came out with an unreadable expression on his face and a hand pressed on the bridge of his nose. Pepper quickly handed him a tissue which he grabbed, and silently thanked her as he went to flop down on the couch. Everyone turned their attention back to the hall when Tony spoke, "He's coming. I dink he tore some stitches dough and messed with 'is ribs. He bas wheezing and holding 'is side when he helped be up." Everyone turned to Tony, who looked up at their startled expressions with a hint of confusion and humor.

"Vhat?"

Pepper was the first to speak," Are you okay?"

Tony lifted one eyebrow. "Yes? By?"

Now everyone looked at each other. "Because you were screaming and running and…well?" Clint was scratching the back of his neck, not sure of what else to say.

"Is jus a broken bose, guys! Is not wike Ste broke my arm!" Tony looked pointedly at Thor, who was trying his best to conceal his smile. When they all heard heavy footsteps enter the living room, everyone turned to look at Steve who was holding his side and seemed a little out of breath. He looked at everyone staring at him, then at Stark.

"By are dey all staring at me?"

Tony through his hand, that wasn't holding a bloody tissue,e up in the air in exasperation. "How the heck amb I suppose do know?!" Tony then patted the area not the right of him on the couch and Steve limped over to it. He plopped down next to him and leaned his head back against the soft leather. Tony looked over at Bruce.

"Hey, Bruce, can you pwease ge Spankles sone new bandgaes? H's bweeding on my couch!" Bruce stood there for a moment, then left for the first aid kit in the infirmary. Steve turned his head to look at Tony and Tony met his gaze. The two men smiled wickedly at each other, then looked back at the team.

Clint and Natasha knew that look, but couldn't place a finger on it. It scared the crap out of Pepper as she went to find baby wipes so the men could clean their faces and Thor was just confused. Little did they know that Steve and Tony already had a little discussion about this earlier and almost all of this was planned just to see the very faces that were right in front of them.

 **~FLASHBACK~**

This wasn't very long after Thor broke his nose in Asgard when Steve took Tony aside after watching _Finding Nemo_.

"Steve, have you ever wondered why no superhero ever seems to break their nose?"

Steve looked up from rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. He looked questionably at Tony, "What?"

Tony rolled his eyes then repeated the question," Do you know of any superhero who has managed to break their nose? Like we get concussions, broken limbs, sprains, ECT! But never a broken nose!"

Now that Tony mentioned it, Steve did notice that it was a little odd. "Yeah, what's your point?"

Tony smiled. Steve raised one eyebrow and leaned back. HE wasn't going to like this idea.

"Well, now that Thor broke his, we have to keep the trend going! I'm not stupid enough to do it to Clint and Natasha, but it's bound to happen. So I was thinking that when they do, and whenever it happens to you, 'Tony poked his finger into Steve's chest,' you break mine or cause an accident to happen and it can be one of those crazy things that happens in the Avengers Tower!"

Steve looked skeptical, "And why would I do that?"

Tony huffed," I want some excitement in the tower! Not just whenever some funky alien tribe decides to have a powwow in the backyard! Come on Steve, you know you want to."

It was pretty tempting, and the idea of not being the butt of someone's joke was rather appealing. So Steve nodded his consent in the little prank and said goodnight to Tony before heading to his apartment. Tony looked up at the ceiling and leaned against the wall," Hey Jarvis, don't tell anyone our little plan alright?"

The AI replied in his British accent, "Yes, Sir."

And with that Tony went to bed.

 **~END FLASHBACK~**

Now that their little prank was done, the two had left the rest of the team with something to chew on for a while. Natasha and Clint would probably figure it out sooner or later. And Pepper would more than likely force him to admit it on their way to bed, but it was all worth it! As Bruce came in with the first aid kit and Pepper with the wipes, the man out of time and the iron genius exchanged one last look before accepting the medical treatment and the mother-henning.

Yep, it's not fun breaking a nose, but it is when you have a team like the Avengers. At least until they figure it out.


End file.
